The Long Shadow of Trauma
I once worked with a young woman only slightly older than me. She was vibrant—quick to smile, creatively expressive, and always wrapped in bright colors, wearing a nose ring like my own. When our company hired her, it was her confidence and initiative that stood out. There was a boldness in the way she moved through the world that felt deeply familiar.
Not long after she started, it became clear that her personal life wasn’t nearly as put together as she appeared on the surface. She confided in me, the way women often do when they sense safety. She was going through a painful breakup with a man whose resentment and jealousy had hardened into cruelty. He seemed threatened by her free spirit, by the very femininity and light that made her who she was.
Over time, the weight of everything she was carrying became harder for her to hold alongside work. One difficult event bled into another until it all culminated in a breakdown. The boss wasn’t there that day, so I filled him in and offered to take her to my place—somewhere she could walk to the beach, breathe, and take a mental health day.
Not long after, she was let go.
It still breaks my heart. Years later, we reconnected and realized we shared something deeper than that season of work: we had both been diagnosed with C-PTSD. I’ve thought about her often lately, especially as recent events in my own life have stirred my nervous system back into survival mode.
When Old Wounds Are Triggered
These days, my symptoms look quieter, but they’re still heavy—brain fog, emotional dullness, anxiety, and waves of deep depression. I’m okay, truly. I know this is temporary. But I also see how it affects the people around me. I text back slower than I should. I miss calls. I forget conversations. From the outside, it might look like disinterest or distance, but the truth is the opposite—I care deeply. My body just isn’t cooperating.
For a few weeks, I wasn’t sleeping or eating well, which sent my hormones into a tailspin and completely disrupted my cycle. It’s unsettling how quickly betrayal or disappointment can pull the body back into survival mode—how suddenly everything else becomes secondary when your system is just trying to keep you safe.
Finding Safety in God
I’m not writing this as a call for help. God has been keeping me. More and more, I realize He is the exact reason I’m still here—breathing, functioning, showing up in the ways I can, even when it’s not at 100%.
In this season, I’ve been reminded of God’s kindness in survival through Psalm 121—a Song of Ascents, likely sung by pilgrims as they traveled up to Jerusalem.
Psalm 121:5 (NIV)
“The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand.”
This psalm centers on God’s constant protection and care. In verse 5 specifically, the image of God as shade suggests close, personal protection—like shelter from the sun during a long, exhausting journey. Shade isn’t distant. It stays with you. It moves as you move. And the phrase “at your right hand” implies nearness—God’s presence as reliable, active, and attentive, even when strength is low.
For those of us living with C-PTSD, survival can feel lonely and disorienting. But this verse reminds me that even when my nervous system is overwhelmed, even when my body is tired of being strong, God’s care remains continuous, personal, and dependable—both in everyday life and in moments of deep vulnerability.
Affirmations to Carry You Through
If you’re walking through something similar right now, hold onto this truth: God has not abandoned you. He remains near, steady, and faithful. And whatever has risen against you to cause harm or break your spirit will not have the final word, because you are His.
Take a moment to gently speak these truths over yourself:
“I am not alone. God is still with me.”
- Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV):
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:5 (NIV):
“God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
“This season will not destroy me.”
- Isaiah 54:17 (NIV):
“No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the Lord.”
“I belong to God, even on my hardest days.”
- 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV):
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession…” - Isaiah 43:1 (NIV):
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
If you’re looking for more guidance on healing from trauma, I highly recommend The Christ Cure: 10 Biblical Ways to Heal from Trauma, Tragedy, and PTSD by Dr. Tim Murphy.
Let’s Talk
How does your body respond to stress or disappointment—and what helps you remember that God is near, even in survival mode?
Make sure to share your responses in Community Voices.
With love,
Madison Taylore
Founder of Taylored Grace